”“Yeah, but...” and she kissed him.Abby saw that. “I never got held during a scary movie...”“It’s fake dinosaurs, for heaven’s sake,” Bill whined. “And we’ve ALL seen it before...”Deena stood up, waved, “Well, there has to be a first time, Abby...”She looked at me, then Deena, and finally Bill. He knows better than to argue.“Why not?!?”Abby’s taller than me or Deena, so she’s more of a lap full, but she delicately arranged herself while poor Bill tried NOT to, well, finally he HAD to put his arms around her.“Don’t wiggle, Abby,” Deena said. “It starts stuff.”She looked at Bill from a distance of inches. “I’m just getting a good hug, huh, Bill?” and she wiggled.“Gosh, Abby...”Giggle. “Is that left over from Deena? Or did I do that?”“Abby...”And we slowly let the situation defuse itself.Abby had no sooner cleared the door than Bill cornered us. “All right, you two. Wanna tell me what THAT was about?”Deena batted her eyelids. “Mmmm-but Daddy ... We made Abby our new sister...”“Baby .... The police had vowed to get to the bottom of it. But Jake was still being lowered into the ground. What difference did it make who or what had killed him?The screaming resumed later that afternoon, when the tranquilizers wore off. She refused to take any more of them. She didn't like dodging the pain of her boy's death. It felt wrong. It felt like betrayal. She would bear the pain of his death, just as she'd borne the pain of his birth. She would wait in agony, screaming as she allowed the pain to ravish through her soul, tearing pieces of it away as the minutes passed into hours. She re-lived every moment of his life, from the first time she'd held him, feeling him softly suckling at her breast, to the last time she'd kissed him goodnight, and everything in between. And she remembered every single time she'd ever scolded and screamed at him too, and the times she'd let him cry all alone because she was too busy to worry about every little issue he had. The wha- ifs and if-onlys,.
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